Relationships and Bonding

Bonding is key to a successful marriage.  Some marraiges are based on dysfunctional attachment styles. Based on our early attachments, which may have been particularly unreliable or dysfunctional, we often as adults tend to be preoccupied and obsessive in adult relationships.  We can become needy and vulnerable or avoidant in relationships. We may be able to experience closeness to others and bond easily in the beginning, but our relationships do not last.

Many people who have suffered from difficult early attachment experiences often carry their experiences through into adult life.  Perhaps they may feel less comfortable around others when it comes to feeling close and intimate.  They may be distrustful and distract themselves with sex avoidance or sex addiction.

One of the biggest mistakes couples who have come from dysfunctional childhoods make is that they start a family thinking it will reinforce their bond when in fact it has the complete opposite effect.  They may well feel committed and end up staying for the sake of their children.  They carry their negative core beliefs and negative bonding attachment styles with them and pass them onto their children.  Their connection to their partner is diluted because their focus is now on their children and this can lead to all kinds of complications such as co-dependence or covert abuse.  The dysfunctional cycle continues until the adult looks at destructive cycles and the reason why they have emotional blocks regarding intimacy in the first place.